The pictures I want to make || personal



It's 11:30 at night, my kid is going to be up who knows when, early, and I can't sleep. I can't sleep, I think because I can't stop thinking about this post. More accurately I should say, I can't stop thinking about the thoughts behind this post. The possibilities within my ideas. I started this post yesterday, but they are thoughts and feelings that have been brewing for me for quite some time.

**i began here yesterday** I've been feeling the itch yearning to be creative lately. Now that I am a mom and am spending most of my time doing just that, being mama, every so often I realize that I've been pushing my need to create down because I don't feel there is time for it. But I am sensing that this is an urge that may be necessary for my sanity and happiness. I'm sure it probably is. And I'm sure it probably comes on strong like this when I've let things go for too long and haven't taken the me time I should. I know that taking care of yourself is just as important for the care of your child as taking care of the actual child is, but I find it's a very hard thing to fit in the me time sometimes  most of the time. What I find happens for me when I'm feeling this want to create is that I am overwhelmed with all of the different projects that I want to take on that sometimes I don't know where to start. Do I start one of the many home projects I'm dying to have done, the kitchen backsplash, paint the claw foot tub? Even just rearranging furniture can sometimes appease me for a bit. I've recently started to teach myself to sew a little, do I work on a sewing project? Do I work on my photography? I sometimes become so overwhelmed trying to decide, I just clean the house instead. Bor-ing. And while it's nice to have a cleaner house, mission not accomplished. Today I chose to edit these photos from back in August. Uncle Tommy had just brought Milo this desk from the Royal Oak Farmers Market. It's crazy how much Milo has already grown since then. He wasn't even walking here yet. wow. He's growing so quickly, there are days he seems older overnight.  It was just a little something, but it

I also felt the need to write. I'm not a writer, not at all. However, I just felt like I wanted to (needed to?) get my thoughts out here. So here I am, writing, trying to process with words so much of which are feelings more than thoughts.

For a couple of years now I have been talking to Tim about how I want to take pictures of families just being families. I want to arrive at the house in the morning and capture all the amazing small things that make being a family so special and so ordinary at the same time. The half awake smiles from little ones, the brushing of teeth together, the making breakfast, the need for hugs and help because maybe morning time isn't everyone's best time, to be there as the day unfolds naturally and capture the moments. Whatever the moments may be, the real stuff, the stuff that, to me, feels cozy and like home, all the moments that are small so they may not be remembered specifically, but they make up what our memories feel like. That's what I want to capture, those are the pictures I want to make. Almost a family portrait version of street photography.

The idea of this, the imagining it, it gives me butterflies in my stomach. I am so in love with the idea, I get excited and nervous all at once.  It's an idea that keeps resurfacing for me. Lately it's causing me not to sleep. I didn't even know exactly what kept was at first causing my insomnia. What has come out of this "thinking out loud" on the internet though, is some clarity for me. While the need to be creative for me can be satisfied in many ways, it always comes back to my photography. Not only can it fill a need that I have from within to create these photographs, but I want to be able to share the gift of these moments captured. I have a couple of friends in mind and I just might be calling you, maybe unexpectedly to come over and try this out on your families.